Father of the Bride Speech UK: Running Order, Structure, Example

At a British wedding the father of the bride speaks first, usually after the wedding breakfast, for about five minutes, which is roughly 550 to 650 words. As host, you welcome everyone, thank the people who helped, say something true about your daughter, welcome the groom (or bride) and their family, then toast the couple. Do those five things in that order and the groom and best man have an easy act to follow.

Where your speech fits in the running order

The traditional order is father of the bride, then the groom, then the best man. Speeches usually come once the plates are cleared, before the cake and the evening do, though some couples hold them before the meal or between courses. Ask which they've chosen, because it decides how much you can drink beforehand.

A toastmaster, if there is one, will quieten the room and introduce you. The groom replies to your toast and toasts the bridesmaids, then the best man closes. Agree with the groom who each of you is thanking, and if he's still writing his, point him to our groom speech guide.

The five-part structure

1. The welcome (about 45 seconds)

Introduce yourself and welcome everyone on behalf of the hosts. The classic line is "On behalf of my wife and myself", a hangover from when the bride's parents paid for everything. If the couple funded most of the day, say "on behalf of both families" instead.

2. The thank-yous (about 45 seconds)

Thank the guests, especially anyone who travelled far, the other family by name, and whoever quietly made the day happen, such as the friend who did the flowers. Leave the bridesmaids to the groom, whose job that traditionally is.

3. Your daughter (about 2 minutes)

Pick one quality that has always been true of her and show it rather than list it. One scene or family keepsake does more than a tour of her childhood. Then say plainly that you're proud of her.

4. Welcoming the groom (or bride) and their family (about 1 minute)

Speak to her new husband or wife directly, by name, and say when you knew they were right for her. Welcome their parents by name too. Skip "giving away" and "losing a daughter" unless the couple want that language.

5. The toast (about 15 seconds)

Ask everyone to be upstanding and raise their glasses, toast "the bride and groom" or the couple by name, then sit down.

Divorced, separated and blended families

Start by asking your daughter who she wants to speak and who should be mentioned. It's her call.

• If her parents are divorced, name both warmly. "On behalf of Charlotte's mum and me" works fine when you're no longer together, and a stepparent deserves their own thank-you. Never joke about the divorce.
• If you're her stepdad giving the speech, speak from your own relationship with her and acknowledge her dad graciously if he's there.
• If her dad and stepdad both speak, split the job. One gives the welcome and thanks, the other talks about her and proposes the only toast, about three minutes each.
• If her mum has died, welcome guests "on behalf of our family" and give her one sentence of her own near the start, worded with your daughter beforehand.
• If her mum is speaking, the structure doesn't change. Our mother of the bride speech guide has more ideas.

A complete example speech

Good evening, everyone. For those who don't know me, I'm Rob, Charlotte's dad, and on behalf of Gillian and myself, welcome. Charlotte has asked me to keep this short and not to mention the caravan holiday in Tenby. I'll manage one of those.

Auntie Pat has come down from Inverness on a train that gave up at Crewe, and she still beat everyone to the bar. Kojo and Efua, thank you for making us so welcome since that first Sunday lunch, when Kojo and I discovered we both support Stoke City. Thank you to Sue, who did every one of these table flowers in her garage last night. And thank you to Gillian, who spent eight months on the phone to a man called Clive about the marquee, while I was trusted with the wine. I chose well.

Now, Charlotte. Gillian kept every school report she ever had, and last week I read the lot. Her teachers were remarkably consistent. In Reception: "Charlotte likes to help, sometimes before anyone has asked." In Year Four: "Charlotte has firm views on how group work should be organised, and shares them." And my favourite, Year Nine: "Charlotte must learn that not every argument needs winning."

Every one of those teachers thought they were describing a problem. They were describing a midwife.

She still helps before you've asked. She can organise a delivery room at three in the morning, and I'm told she has never lost an argument with a consultant. She has certainly never lost one with me.

Charlotte, I'm so proud of you. I don't say it enough, so I'm saying it here, in front of everyone, where you can't pretend you didn't hear.

Kwame. I couldn't find any of your school reports, so I've written you one.

"Kwame has made excellent progress. He is punctual, polite and reads the instructions, unlike some members of this family. He has shown great patience with Charlotte's father. He supports Stoke City, which suggests resilience. Overall, a pleasure to have in the family."

The truth is, I knew long before I wrote that. The night Gillian slipped on the ice and broke her wrist, Charlotte was on shift. You drove down from Manchester at midnight and sat with me in A&E until four in the morning, talking about Stoke's defence so I didn't have to talk about anything else. I've never thanked you properly. Thank you. Kojo, Efua, we're delighted to share him.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please be upstanding and raise your glasses. To the bride and groom, Charlotte and Kwame.

Rob gets the host's welcome and thanks done in under a minute, then lets the school reports do the work. They let him praise Charlotte without reading out her CV, and Kwame's report turns the welcome into a joke the room is in on. The A&E story underneath is what makes it land.

Your version might be old birthday cards or the story told every Christmas. Get a first draft of your father of the bride speech built from those stories, then edit it until it sounds like you.

A shorter example: when mum gives the speech

Good afternoon, everyone. I'm Ruth, Imogen's mum. Traditionally this speech belongs to the father of the bride, and Martin, Imogen's dad, is sitting right there looking extremely relieved. He walked her down the aisle and I'm doing the talking, which anyone who knows us will tell you is the right way round.

Martin and I stopped being married a long time ago, but we have always agreed about one thing, and she's wearing the dress. So on behalf of us both, and of Martin's wife, Jo, who has been endlessly kind to our daughter, thank you for coming. And thank you to Fraser's family, who have come all the way from Orkney.

Imogen, you were the child who read the last page of every book first, to make sure it ended well before you'd risk the middle. I told you it was cheating. Then you met Fraser, and for the first time I can remember, you didn't skip ahead. You just wanted to read it.

Fraser, thank you for making my daughter brave enough not to know the ending. Welcome to the family, officially.

Please stand and raise your glasses. To Imogen and Fraser. No skipping ahead.

Opening lines and closing toasts you can adapt

Openers

• "Good evening. I'm Alan, Lucy's dad, and on behalf of Carol and myself, welcome. I've been given five minutes, which is four more than Lucy gives me on the phone."
• "Now that you've all been fed, and Uncle Graham has had his second pudding, it's my job to welcome you properly."
• "On behalf of Lucy's mum and me, and her stepdad, Neil, who did more of the lifts to netball than I ever did, welcome."
• "I'm Leah's stepdad. I've been in her life since she was nine, and she's been correcting my grammar since she was ten."

Closing toasts

• "Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise your glasses. To the bride and groom."
• "Please stand and join me. To Lucy and Dan, and every Sunday lunch still to come."
• "Glasses up. To Leah and Sanjay, who make each other braver, kinder and occasionally on time."
• "Please raise your glasses to my daughter and my new daughter-in-law. To the brides, Ellie and Rosa."

Common mistakes

• Stealing the groom's thank-yous. The bridesmaids are his to thank. Get there first and he's left repeating you.
• Treating first as longest. You set the pace. Run to fifteen minutes and the best man will take it as permission.
• Forgetting you're the host. Skip straight to childhood stories and nobody has welcomed the guests or the groom's family.
• Jokes about the cost. Remortgaging gags embarrass the couple, especially if they paid. Leave money out.
• A dig at an ex. Even a gentle one lands badly with half the room. Be generous or say nothing.

Delivery tips

• Brief the toastmaster. Give them your name as you'd like it announced, and let them quieten the room for you.
• Check the glasses are charged. Ask the venue to pour the fizz before the speeches, so nobody toasts with an empty glass.
• Test the microphone before guests sit down. Hold it just below your chin and speak to the back tables.
• Bring cards, not your phone. Numbered cards in big type beat a screen that keeps locking in a dim marquee.
• Know the toast by heart. Everyone stands for it, so say it slowly and look up.

FAQ

Does the father of the bride always speak first in the UK?

Traditionally, yes, followed by the groom and then the best man. Many couples now add a speech from the bride or the maid of honour, but the host's welcome usually still opens.

How long should a father of the bride speech be in the UK?

About five minutes, or roughly 550 to 650 words, allowing for pauses and laughs. With only three speakers, up to seven minutes is fine. Time it out loud.

Who should the father of the bride thank?

The guests, the other family by name, and anyone who helped make the day happen. Leave the bridesmaids to the groom, who will also traditionally thank you.

Can a mum or stepdad give the father of the bride speech?

Yes. The structure stays the same, but start by saying who you are so nobody is puzzled. For words that fit your family, try our speech writer.

Can the speeches happen before the meal?

Yes, and plenty of couples choose it so nervous speakers can enjoy their food. The order stays the same. Keep yours a little tighter, because a hungry room is a restless one.